when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Randomize
