I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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