No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
