I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
