Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
