So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
