Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
