I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
