i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
They are going to name an STD after you.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
