There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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