Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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