Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
