it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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