Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You were trust falling into bushes
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
