This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
