You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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