I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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