There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
