She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
