Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
