please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He kissed a someone with a penis
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
