I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
