We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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