You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
