my mouth tastes like poor choices
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
