sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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