never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
