she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
