If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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