Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
