there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
