i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
