A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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