No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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