it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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