I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
vagina is talking i cant
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
