Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
