I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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