I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
