yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
