there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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