the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
