THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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