I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
