Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
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