she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
