This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
