I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
