you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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