he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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