Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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