Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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