So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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