he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
