listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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