You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
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