Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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