My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
