apparently the secret to your success is patron
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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